When you’re a new mother you want to do the best you can, right? You want to be the best mother! As time goes on you start to realize that you’re only human and being the best isn’t really possible. At least, not all of the time as we desire.
The priorities of motherhood can consume you. And as a mother may constantly tell yourself that you’re not doing well enough.
When Chloe was a baby, I believed that in order to be a “good mother” I had to let go of a lot of things. These things included big dreams of mine, like working at the House of Dior in Paris. They also included small dreams, like taking summer trips or spending my time how I preferred.
At the time, I believed it was selfish of me to hold on to these things. This even included expecting the smallest ones to come to fruition. I had already made up my mind that these things would no longer be a possibility.
I had gotten pregnant with chloe at 19. I truly thought my life was over, because that’s what I was told over and over again.
It beat me down.
I became so fixated on the idea that being a perfect mom and finishing my degree would be all that I could allow myself to focus on.
By the way, my degree is still not finished ?. Life got in the way and yes my passion did too but it’s still a work in a process. I am so close, and it’s always been a huge goal of mine so I’m not going to let it go. But I’m not going to kill my self over it either.
Back to my point, as time passed I realized that desperately, I was missing something. I needed to pursue something that would make me happy as an individual, not just as a mother.
It wasn’t only in myself that I recognized this need as a person & as a Mother. I saw it in others as well.
Other women making such effort to be great mothers, and from my perspective they really were wonderful mothers but I could tell something was missing.
I could tell that they too, needed something, other than their children, giving them joy in life. Something they could grow and nurture & that hopefully wouldn’t turn around and throw a temper tantrum back at them.
Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand that there are mothers that are perfectly happy with just being mothers and I think that’s wonderful. But for the kind of person that I am, I really needed something of my own, and I could tell that I wasn’t alone with those feelings.
I always imagined that if I were to become a mother I would be determined to have my own career, perfectly on track, so that when my children grew up and left the nest, I wouldn’t feel lost.
Now, I see it’s not just about preparing for the years they’ll be gone. We’re alive right now aren’t we?
Sometimes I honestly do feel like a real-life Cinderella. Sorry if that sounds melodramatic. I’m not quite sure how else to put it.
My children aren’t the wicked stepmother or evil step-sisters.
It’s just that I feel so obligated to do right by them, in a way that makes me feel almost as though I don’t have a real life at all. What is a real life by the way?? Lol.
This is either because I am too consumed by all of the to-do’s on my daily list or because I feel paralyzed by the fact that I can’t always keep up. At times I feel that if it wasn’t for my blog, I’d be totally and utterly lost.
When I work on JLC it is as though I am Cinderella sneaking off to the ball.
I do love my children and would also love to take them to the ball as well but mind you, I am with them 24/7. From the time I wake, until the time I sleep.
Sometimes a gal just needs a break.
I bring ALL of this up to you, because regardless of being a mother, I hope you realize the importance of finding something that’s significant and special to you. Something, solely, for yourself that at the end of the day you can escape to.
This, I believe, is essential.
Pursuing our passions makes life much more enjoyable. It also allows us to go back to our priorities & take them on at our best abilities. I bring this up because that Lexie that I was when I first became a mother, I hope you’ll never be.
I truly meant well to be the best mother I could but that didn’t mean I had to give up on my dreams. And the dreams I had for myself aren’t the same as the dreams I have now but that’s not the point.
Your dreams, most likely, will change. Mine did.
What’s important is that you don’t neglect them & don’t neglect yourself. How can you make others happy if you feel like a puzzle with missing pieces? It took me a few years to realize all of this. And when I did I pulled myself together, went to the local craft store and just let my creative juices flow.
Granted I didn’t have much money at the time so I was grabbing things from the clearance section lol.
But these clearance-section items I found, I turned them into something beautiful and that’s how J’adore Lexie Couture started. I swear it’s silly lol but that’s my story!
Those pieces became flower crowns that I then worked my little toosh off selling, brainstorming & promoting. All of that fueled me with inspiration, that still continues.
Sometimes, I’m way too into my work with the blog and I have to check myself. My process is anything but perfect but I still think I’m on the right path. The path has been rocky and anything but ideal but I still have yet to give up & to me that’s one of the most important things.
Now, I want to hear from you! Aside from your loved ones & relationships, what fuels you and excites you every day?
Lexie… This post really spoke to me. I too..gave up what I wanted to study in life/my passions…. in order to put my husband through bible college. He graduated so many years ago…and since then I too..became a mom…I have always put my kids first in life…and me last. I guess I need to remember that my dreams are important too! Thanks for reminding me of that! Continue to be an inspiration, and shine bright! Amanda
Thank you so much my sweet Amanda. You absolutely deserve to have something for yourself and I wish you all of the love and luck :*
i can relate i became a mom 9 years ago and then again almost 6 years ago and became a stay at home mom. i love it so much but being with them 24/7 and no adult conversation can take a toll eventually.this will be the first year they are both in school and i have some time back to myself to discover me again. i love fashion and love dancing although i have not done it in like 15 years but i hope one day i can get back to it in some way and untill then i am having fun rediscovering myself as a person not just a mom.
My dear I absolutely believe you will find your way back to dancing & fashion! I am very excited for you and this new chapter in your life :*
You spoke my heart in this post. I became a mom a year ago, and this has been a constant balance and sometimes struggle of mine to follow my dream and be there for my sweet girl. It’s always so encouraging to hear other people are in the same spot. Thank you!
Thank YOU Lauren! Congrats to you my dear! The first year can definitely be challenging when it comes to having any sort of time to yourself or ability to work on your dreams but hang in there my dear!
Comments are closed.